The Spouse Factor

Performing well as a high-level recruiter requires understanding what makes your candidates tick—and not just at work. That’s especially true if I’m asking them to consider a job that requires relocation. In many cases I already know something about a candidate’s family life—including the spouse or partner’s professional status, the ages of their kids (if any), and whether they have elderly parents living nearby. In cases where I don’t know, I find a way to ask, “Is there anything in your family situation we should be sensitive to?” If there is, it’s important to know early on, especially if these issues could become “blockers.” In my 34 years of experience, the most difficult factor to overcome when recruiting a candidate who has to relocate for a new job has been children, especially those in high school or with special needs. (This is often true whether the candidate is married or divorced; moving can be especially hard for someone who shares custody with an ex.) Spouses are the second most frequent reason a candidate will be reluctant to relocate, especially if he or she is part of a couple in which both are pursuing ambitious professional paths. When I’m trying to recruit one member of a dual-career couple, it’s important to fully understand the other’s career, and also the city to which I hope to relocate them. For so-called trailing spouses, the most challenging careers are physician or lawyer in private practice or owner of a business that isn’t portable. People in these situations have often spent years building a client base and a local reputation, and it’s difficult to reproduce those in a new region. The size of the destination city is also a factor. If the candidate’s partner works in a traditional corporate function, he or she will have an easier time finding a similar (or better) position in a big market like Los Angeles or New York than in a smaller city. If the trailing spouse travels frequently for work, being near a major airport is also vital. If the candidate’s partner won’t or can’t move, I’ll often ask whether the couple would consider a “commuter marriage.” Companies today are increasingly willing to let high-performing leaders commute or work remotely. However, they are much more willing to allow an existing employee to do so, because they know the person’s track record; the risk feels higher with a new employee. Sometimes we have to think creatively. A few years ago a colleague and I were recruiting a female candidate who was based in Europe for a job in Asia. She had a long-term partner who had a great job and was unwilling to move to Asia. So we looked at the likely career path of the candidate (if she took the new role) and concluded that if she did a great job in Asia, she’d most likely be promoted to a position at headquarters in the United States, where her partner was willing to move. So the two commuted for a couple of years, and then the woman I’d recruited did get a top job at headquarters; her partner moved to the United States, bringing them back together. “Choosing a spouse may be one of your most important career decisions.” My work gives me a unique window onto how couples manage these situations, but my views are also informed by a research project I led at Korn Ferry on the careers of female CEOs. We interviewed 57 current or former CEOs about their paths to the corner office, and the most striking takeaway was the importance of strong spousal support for women who aspire to top jobs. When discussing the factors that led to their success, most of the women spontaneously brought up their husbands’ support. About half the CEOs had spouses with substantial careers; managing their dual careers involved complex calendar negotiations, turn taking, weighing of career decisions, a willingness to relocate, and significant help from housekeepers, nannies, and so forth. About a third had spouses or partners who, by the time the women became CEOs, were assuming primary responsibility for home and children; some were househusbands, and others were retired or worked part-time. Each of us has only so much energy to utilize, and dealing with a partner who isn’t truly rooting for you professionally saps that energy, limiting your potential. A few of the CEOs we interviewed said they had previously had unsupportive husbands or partners but ultimately went on to connect with more-supportive ones. They speculated that they wouldn’t have attained the top job if they hadn’t received the support they needed. (Most male CEOs I’ve worked with say the same thing.) My children are now 24 and 21, and I tell them very bluntly: Choosing a spouse may be one of the most important career decisions you’ll ever make, because that person will be either a support or a hindrance to your professional ambitions. So choose wisely. I empathize with couples who struggle with these issues, because I’ve faced them myself. My husband is a pathologist. We’ve been married 37 years. For roughly the first two decades, his career took priority. We moved several times to accommodate his medical school training, residency, fellowships, and stint with the U.S. Air Force. I believe a sturdy flower can bloom anywhere, so I tried to look at those moves as opportunities: When we moved from California to Philadelphia, my job search led me to executive recruiting. When we moved to Texas, where my then employer had no office, I opened a new one, which was great experience. As my career has evolved, we’ve made changes. My travel schedule is insane. In 2007, when our children were much younger, my husband left his hospital job and started consulting to have more flexibility and to be more available for the kids. Since then we’ve considered my career the priority. Having experienced this push and pull, I recognize that it’s typically a phone call from someone like me—followed by a great job offer—that causes a couple to rethink their coequal arrangement. Very often, the resulting conversation will focus on the upside opportunity. It’s natural for partners to compare the potential of their careers and decide to prioritize the one with the higher ROI. In the past that was typically the man’s, but today it’s frequently the woman’s. At such moments, many dual- career couples will decide that one career has to take a backseat, or that the lesser-earning partner will make a leap of faith and hope that he or she can find (or create) a great job in a new city. When couples face this prospect, I remind them that choosing to prioritize one partner’s career doesn’t mean it will be that way forever. Careers are long. The partner who’s stepping back right now may be able to step forward in the future. I like to think I have credibility when I make this argument, because I’ve experienced that shift myself.

The Spouse Factor

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