When You’ve Stopped Growing with Your Executive Coach

A few months ago, a client sat across from me and said, “I’m not sure I’m getting what I need from this anymore.” He had come to me for coaching a year earlier in an effort to make partner at his firm. He had since done that, earlier than expected, and now felt adrift. “I’ve achieved the goal,” he said, “so what’s next?” More than 60% of leaders report positive performance gains from executive coaching. Research suggests that behavioral change at the leadership level typically requires six months to solidify, but many engagements lose steam well before they’ve reached their full potential. A coaching plateau can mean one of two things: You’ve outgrown the relationship, or you’re on the verge of growth that’s deeper, harder, and more transformative than before. The challenge is knowing which. Understanding the Difference Between a Growth Plateau and Misalignment If you’re working with a coach, here’s how to recognize the difference between a plateau that signals growth and one that signals misalignment, and how to decide, with intention, whether to stay or to move on. Recognize the plateau. Your coaching relationship isn’t just a space to accomplish goals or get feedback. It’s a structured, professional laboratory where you can learn and practice new behaviors. Your coach offers a controlled, non-judgmental space in which to reflect and experiment. And yet, sometimes those experiments don’t yield the desired outcome. They can feel repetitive, or you can stagnate. Plateaus can feel frustrating. Progress feels slower, less exciting. You may catch yourself wondering whether the coaching is actually working. This point usually arrives after the first big win—the promotion, the turnaround, the repaired relationship. The external change has happened. What’s left is the internal one. Research on adult development has shown that once the initial phase of goal attainment ends, deeper integration work begins. This is the stage developmental psychologist Robert Kegan calls the “subject-object shift,” where we start to see, and take responsibility for, the unconscious patterns that once ran us. It’s the messy middle of growth, and it rarely feels comfortable. When I notice a client losing energy, I might ask, “What are you learning about yourself in this discomfort?” Sometimes, that line of inquiry reawakens curiosity and opens up new avenues for growth. Other times, it reveals that the coaching agenda itself has gone stale. Distinguish growth from misalignment. The key to this decision lies in recognizing the differences in productive discomfort and relational misalignment. Discomfort that signals growth looks like vulnerability. It shows up as hesitation, questioning, even resistance. You might be avoiding a topic that feels too personal or too big to face. That avoidance is data, and it often points directly to your next layer of work. In contrast, discomfort that signals misalignment has a different energy. It’s brittle rather than open. It may stem from a rupture of trust with your coach that hasn’t been repaired, or from a fundamental mismatch in communication style or goals. If either you or your coach stops taking responsibility for their role in the process, growth can stall for good. One common mistake leaders make is misinterpreting resistance as failure or poor fit. In leadership development work, resistance is wisdom. It’s the psyche’s way of protecting what’s not yet ready to be released. A skilled coach helps a client explore what the resistance is trying to say, rather than moving on too quickly or mistaking resistance as quitting. That said, real misalignment does happen. You might need something other than a coach—for example, a strategist or consultant who can give you concrete answers, or someone like an advisor or mentor who has walked your specific industry path. The important thing is to discern whether the tension is pointing you inward (toward deeper work) or outward (toward a better fit). Discuss the discomfort. Once you’ve recognized a plateau, speak up and talk about it openly with your coach. Giving feedback is a core leadership skill. The conversation itself is developmental because it models courage, transparency, and ownership. Try this 3-step dialogue opener with your coach: “I’ve noticed…” (Offer an observation.) “What I need is…” (State a clear need.) “Can we try…” (Propose an experiment or conversation.) For example: “It feels like something has shifted in our work. I need more answers and insight from you. Can we explore whether coaching is still right for me?” As a coach, I might invite reflection with questions such as: What exploration would feel most meaning for you? What do those needs tell you about yourself? What else might be going on? What else do you need? What have you appreciated the most—and what has felt hardest—in our work together? What is hard to share with me? When clients are torn, I often guide them through a visualization exercise. I ask them to imagine two futures: one where they continue coaching and one where they stop. In each, I magnify the possibilities: What could happen if you keep going and truly lean in? What doors might open (or close) for you if you step away? Exaggerating the imagined consequences of continuing or stopping takes clients right to the edge of possibility and can clarify what’s true for them at the moment. The goal isn’t to convince them to stay; it’s to help them to own the decision consciously. Decide with intention. When coaching runs its natural course, it’s usually clear to both the coach and the client. As a coach, I know it’s time to end a relationship when: The client’s learning is clearly integrated, and they want space to practice on their own. They have become dependent on the coaching relationship. We want clients to use the coaching relationship as a reflective space, but not as a crutch. The healthiest coaching relationships create increasing autonomy over time, so that the coach becomes more of a trusted guide and less of a lifeline. Coaches help clients learn how to think, not what to think. The work no longer fits. For example, in sponsored coaching engagements, the organization’s priorities may evolve. Perhaps the company initially invested in the client’s leadership development, but now the focus has moved to broader team dynamics or cultural transformation. In that case, team coaching or facilitation might be more appropriate than continued 1:1 coaching. Alternatively, the client’s needs may have moved beyond coaching and a different modality, such as therapy or counseling, would be more appropriate. Ending doesn’t mean failure. It’s a transition, and one that deserves closure. It’s helpful to dedicate the last few sessions to reviewing the arc of your work: Revisit early goals, recall key inflection points, and name the qualities that made growth possible. You might also talk to your coach about what’s next: what conditions will sustain progress, and how to know when it’s time for new support. Recommit or release. Before ending a relationship, I coach my clients to reflect on three questions: What feels unresolved? If the answer points to fear, avoidance, or unfinished emotional work, the plateau is likely a growth edge worth leaning into. What feels complete? If there’s genuine satisfaction, gratitude, and a sense of readiness to fly solo, that’s a healthy ending. What’s next for my leadership? Whether you continue with the same coach, find a new one, or take a break from coaching altogether, gaining clarity about your next leadership challenge is an important outcome. Coaching isn’t meant to last forever. It’s meant to expand your capacity, to make you more capable of self-coaching over time. But neither should it be cut short just because it’s starting to feel uncomfortable. As one of my clients said after deciding to stay the course during his plateau, “I thought I was done. Turns out, I was just getting started.” The best coaching relationships don’t end when goals are met; they deepen when the questions do. The art is knowing when to recommit and when to release.

When You’ve Stopped Growing with Your Executive Coach

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